~Uglies~

Both my eyes were feeling really heavy yesterday morning and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the reason why. My right eyes seemed to be smaller in size and swollen at the bottom lid. I stared at my reflection for a very long time and told myself it is alright to be ugly that morning, a perfect match for the recent ugly memory of this ugly girl who has an ugly heart, moulded in an ugly manner and stuck with the feeling of being stabbed with millions of fries shaped into sharp swords. But I want to keep my life in order so even with those ugly tears in my eyes, I forced myself to say '' I'm okay " with a smile and managed to give that ugly girl in the mirror a last glimpse before I leave the room. The clock showed 8 o'clock and I remembered I have to help my mum with the lantern making that she had been patiently waiting for me to finish it for the past few days. I felt so guilty looking at the lantern which half of it was painted really ugly yesterday while the other half of it that I did on the previous morning was so much better in colours. I think I have just spoilt the lantern but nobody seemed to realize. I have to sit for Valery's account tuition exam after that and was confident that I will be able to do my papers in satisfactory like the last time with a full marks in the Documen. Did my revision until 4 pm but I had a really hard time trying to re-wind and re-absorb the formats and formulas like the way I did last time. Later on, I got a very bad feeling about the exam the very moment I step into the car but it is okay, I just need to relax, too nervous I guess. During the exam, my head ache real badly because I have been having a hard time trying to sleep, thinking so much that night cum morning and every figures that I wrote looked uglier and uglier, turning my test sheets into an ugly pile of nothing but rubbish. I could not equalize my Documen and there were just so much cutting lines. This is the first time I saw my Documen ended up in such ugly way and I do not know how to react when my mum asked me about the exam that I look really seriously into. I felt so stupid.. I hate this feeling :( Hopefully I will not do the same mistakes again for the next coming exam as a replacement for this one. Gambatte! :)

I love the way you lie.

I never like to lie not because of the god, religious lessons or strongly obeying the efforts my parents put in to mould me up but because I always think that when it comes to telling lies, you are not lying to anybody but yourself. Lying actually covers away the individuality and originality in you. Plus, trust is very important anything you do. I love myself too much to lie.

The nice part. Not exactly nice but nicer.

At first I thought everything will be alright after I woke up yesterday morning but it did not simply because I could not believe that this friend I have turned out to be someone this frightening. I believe that you do not have a cold heart, not even in a million years because I trust you. Somehow, I kept thinking that there is a reason behind everything you do, I believe you do.

Okay, here's the mean part.

Perhaps what you said were true but everyone have their own right to choose who to like or love knowing that they do not necessary need to gain something out from it because firstly, nobody ask them to do it, they are just doing it our of their freewill. And secondly, there is no such thing as asking for permissions. Is that a problem to you? Actually, it got absolutely nothing to do with you because... I never ask for one back, so? You do not need to or have to care, ignore if you want to but for the mean time, I will follow what it says inside here, in this heart of mine because it came, stays so deeply making me cannot let go easily. As simple as that. You can call me anything you want but I am telling you this, you cannot control who I choose to like. It is none of your business because I do not think it bothers you in whatsoever ways. And yes, fries are not good food but why do people still enjoy eating it? As a matter of in fact, fries are full with fats, high in cholesterol and even encourage the release of ammonia gas ( Told you I am not nice ) but so what? Foods do not need to be good to be eaten but it can taste as good as chocolates as long as you like eating it, it is the only thing that matters. So yeah, keep quiet and accept the fact.

I like fries.

And you do not need to care.

I admit I am stubborn but I like being this way. But the most important thing is..

I am not lying to myself or playing with my own feelings because I know it better than you do.

~Hugs~