~The Great History~

Few days ago, mummy received a lovely hand-wrotten white envelope from the postman to my dad and when she opened it, guess what was the first thing that we both read?

..............

" PEMBERITAHUAN KETIDAKHADIRAN KE SEKOLAH : AMARAN PERTAMA "

My gawd.. Hahaha..

This is the first time ever in my whole entire life that I actually received a letter from school regarding my absence to school for a total of 14 days. Great way to leave a mark on this last year of secondary school life because I broke my record for not feeling tied up by the school rules which I never really cared as I always managed to shift " it " away steadily without fail. But of course, my mum and I both knew that the cause are basically because every Saturday and any days which have events cum activities cum plans that have absolutely nothing to do with academical studies regardless whether it will last for half or whole day are always an Official Off-Day for Us Both.

Indeed memorable. I shall keep this letter safely :)

~Hugs~

~Uglies~

Both my eyes were feeling really heavy yesterday morning and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the reason why. My right eyes seemed to be smaller in size and swollen at the bottom lid. I stared at my reflection for a very long time and told myself it is alright to be ugly that morning, a perfect match for the recent ugly memory of this ugly girl who has an ugly heart, moulded in an ugly manner and stuck with the feeling of being stabbed with millions of fries shaped into sharp swords. But I want to keep my life in order so even with those ugly tears in my eyes, I forced myself to say '' I'm okay " with a smile and managed to give that ugly girl in the mirror a last glimpse before I leave the room. The clock showed 8 o'clock and I remembered I have to help my mum with the lantern making that she had been patiently waiting for me to finish it for the past few days. I felt so guilty looking at the lantern which half of it was painted really ugly yesterday while the other half of it that I did on the previous morning was so much better in colours. I think I have just spoilt the lantern but nobody seemed to realize. I have to sit for Valery's account tuition exam after that and was confident that I will be able to do my papers in satisfactory like the last time with a full marks in the Documen. Did my revision until 4 pm but I had a really hard time trying to re-wind and re-absorb the formats and formulas like the way I did last time. Later on, I got a very bad feeling about the exam the very moment I step into the car but it is okay, I just need to relax, too nervous I guess. During the exam, my head ache real badly because I have been having a hard time trying to sleep, thinking so much that night cum morning and every figures that I wrote looked uglier and uglier, turning my test sheets into an ugly pile of nothing but rubbish. I could not equalize my Documen and there were just so much cutting lines. This is the first time I saw my Documen ended up in such ugly way and I do not know how to react when my mum asked me about the exam that I look really seriously into. I felt so stupid.. I hate this feeling :( Hopefully I will not do the same mistakes again for the next coming exam as a replacement for this one. Gambatte! :)

I love the way you lie.

I never like to lie not because of the god, religious lessons or strongly obeying the efforts my parents put in to mould me up but because I always think that when it comes to telling lies, you are not lying to anybody but yourself. Lying actually covers away the individuality and originality in you. Plus, trust is very important anything you do. I love myself too much to lie.

The nice part. Not exactly nice but nicer.

At first I thought everything will be alright after I woke up yesterday morning but it did not simply because I could not believe that this friend I have turned out to be someone this frightening. I believe that you do not have a cold heart, not even in a million years because I trust you. Somehow, I kept thinking that there is a reason behind everything you do, I believe you do.

Okay, here's the mean part.

Perhaps what you said were true but everyone have their own right to choose who to like or love knowing that they do not necessary need to gain something out from it because firstly, nobody ask them to do it, they are just doing it our of their freewill. And secondly, there is no such thing as asking for permissions. Is that a problem to you? Actually, it got absolutely nothing to do with you because... I never ask for one back, so? You do not need to or have to care, ignore if you want to but for the mean time, I will follow what it says inside here, in this heart of mine because it came, stays so deeply making me cannot let go easily. As simple as that. You can call me anything you want but I am telling you this, you cannot control who I choose to like. It is none of your business because I do not think it bothers you in whatsoever ways. And yes, fries are not good food but why do people still enjoy eating it? As a matter of in fact, fries are full with fats, high in cholesterol and even encourage the release of ammonia gas ( Told you I am not nice ) but so what? Foods do not need to be good to be eaten but it can taste as good as chocolates as long as you like eating it, it is the only thing that matters. So yeah, keep quiet and accept the fact.

I like fries.

And you do not need to care.

I admit I am stubborn but I like being this way. But the most important thing is..

I am not lying to myself or playing with my own feelings because I know it better than you do.

~Hugs~

How nice would it be if you open the door on one beautiful morning just to find yourself looking at a huge lovely parcel wrapped with just a plain brown paper. When you unwrap the parcel, the very first thing you see is another slightly smaller box with a letter on the top asking you to calculate the amount of goodies you have in the box. You remove the letter, put it on the floor and open the smaller box. It is full with chocolates. Your eyes glows brightly as you pick the chocolate one by one from its' box and carefully arrange it in a 10 x 10 manner while noticing that each types of chocolates appear only once. The colonies consist of 365 delicious army. At the very bottom of the box, you saw another letter saying that each chocolates represents a day in a year and eating one every day represents the giver's wish to you hoping that every moments you go through in each day of your life will be sweet. Your eyes turn watery as you read the last sentence of the letter, quietly whispering the same thing under your breath. Suddenly you heard footstep behind you and when you turn your head around..

I woke up from my sleep. Oh gawd.. fancy waking up at the wrong time like this morning. :( It felt so real. Haha.. no wonder sometimes people rather stay asleep. But you have to agree it is rather saddening that it was just a dream especially waking up at the part when I almost see who is the human standing behind me. Haha.. It made me wonder is there somebody in the world who is willing to spend the time and effort to prepare such surprise for the one they love? Perhaps yes but most of the time, it only appear in Tv shows and movies.

......

My goodness... so sweet weih...

I should have eat one chocolate before waking up. Haha..

Alright, I have finish my account tuition homework and we are having exam from 4.30 pm to 7.30 pm next week. Smart way that teacher came up with to make us all have a good preparation for the coming school accounting exam :)

Relax when you are sick, carry on and do what you must do as if you are not feeling unwell. This is a healthy way to handle sickness. Try :) I have always been setting my mind firm on the " so what? " attitude whenever I feel I am about to fall ill or fighting my own immune war and it works all the time~~ 0% failure. The power of mind :)

Bro Sis Me

Where are you going to later? Your friend's Raya party is it?

Sendiri tanya sendiri jawab

Tsk..

My friend's house

At where?

Mummy will be dropping me at Yuk Chai and my other friend will be fetching me to that other friend's house

Why so secretive one?

Yeah, like you are going to exchange something and then being brought to other places like that

Haha

Drug trading syndicate

Exchange brief case, hide it under your coat and look left and right. Coast clear

*Laugn*

I feel so silly now. Exactly 4 nights cum mornings consequently.. Gawd.. Will it be the 5th today?

~Hugs~

Sometimes when I see Encik Idaham, I can't help feeling like putting both my hands in front of him just incase his eyes fall out. Heh.

Negative thoughts bring lack of confidence to oneself. True.

Humbleness in one is said to be lack of confidence. Wert?

Welcome! I am finally back to blogging :)

......... :(

I am so going to make full use of these coming two weeks holiday to compete all the promises that I have made for myself. You can fly if you just believe.

The Buddhist motivation talk in school after recess yesterday was surprisingly quite interesting, so different from what I thought it might turn out as at first. We were shown various types of motivation videos and I almost cried watching them... again. However, such motivations do not last long as it decreases in time naturally but it differs among individuals. So while the speaker was talking about something else, I thought that if we watch one motivation video everyday, perhaps we might stay motivated like yesterday that is IF you are someone who gets distracted easily. Otherwise, watching once in a blue moon will just be enough. If you just believe and have courage, the world's in your hands. The talk ended with the speaker chanting some blessings in language that most of us are not familiar with. Sadly, I used to memorize and know how to chant all those prayers but it went poooffff after I stop attending the Sunday school many years back. Back then, we were all only taught how to memorize these prayers without understanding the meaning it holds because basically, we were just students and have not reach the appropriate 'level' yet.

About the religious book, I was told that the books were only given to those who were sitting in the front row as there are in limited quantities. So whoever who wants to read what the book is about, I am more than glad to give mine to you because by right, books like these are meant to be shared and not kept to oneself. Plus, I have already quite some number of religious books sitting on the bookshelves back at home so yeah, tell me if you want kay? :)

The elephants roam the street and left nothing else standing except for a deep foot mark and dusts.

The sudden sneezing are so supportive and are loyal to me until today. My gawd..

Bye bye go away

Come again another day

You are causing flu for real

Bye bye go away

My noooosssssseeeeeeeeeee *sniff*

Follow what your heart says because the feeling of satisfactory will fill you although it may not be the right decision but there is a slight possibility that it will ease your thoughts. Nothing is impossible and if you really feel like doing it then go on because nobody ca stop you.

Again, people often mistaken my words for other meanings.

Conclusion?

It is not what I meant but it is what you think that reflects your personality and not mine.

I may sound pissed but I am not.

I may sound irritated but I am not.

I may sound annoyed but I am not.

Nobody have the ability to shake my emotions terribly except for one.

And so far, it will definately not be anyone out there except you.

Simply because I still care a lot.

My supply of tissues are running nothing but

low low low low low low low low.

I really feel like complaining, I am so annoyed and very upset with my nose! :( Why must it be this sensitive. Oh, wait.. LOL

I am born with a sensitive nose means that I got a ~~

Dust-detecting machine! x)

Hey you, yes you! Do you have one too? Ahh, don't have to say because I can guess it out. It is a big loud NO right? Hah!

............. =.=! *Haih*

I do not want to make a fuss about this but.. I am feeling really upset now. I need someone to talk to.. please come online :(

~Hugs~